Overgeneralization: Always, Never, and Nothing In Between (ANTS)
This Blog Uses Evidence-Based Research from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Check out the free Handout below!!
What is Overgeneralization?
Overgeneralization is a cognitive distortion that occurs when we draw broad conclusions from limited experiences and apply them to unrelated situations, often using absolute terms like “always,” “never,” or “everyone.” Parents are particularly prone to overgeneralization because parenting is an emotionally charged role filled with trial and error. Have you ever said to yourself, “They never listen to me,” “My kid is always out of control, or “Every other parent doesn’t struggle with this”? Everyone does this at times in their life. We compare ourselves to others and assume everyone else has it figured out. When in reality, no one has anything figured out. Overgeneralization amplifies these moments, making setbacks feel like permanent failures. It is linked to emotional distress and can impair decision-making. For parents, this distortion can amplify feelings of inadequacy, affect relationships, and even model unhelpful thinking patterns for children.
Symptoms:
Use of Absolute Language: Frequently using words like “always,” “never,” “everyone,” “nobody,” “everything,” or “nothing” to describe situations.
Negative Self-Judgments: One mistake or failure leads to a broad, harsh conclusion about one’s worth or abilities.
Exaggerated Negative Outlook: Assuming one negative experience predicts constant failure or bad outcomes.
Intense Emotional Distress: Feeling intense guilt, anxiety, or sadness that seems disproportionate to the triggering event.
Avoidance Behavior: Shying away from tasks or situations due to a belief they’ll always end badly.
Blaming Patterns: Assuming one person’s behavior reflects how “everyone” acts or one situation defines all similar ones.
Rejecting Contradictory Evidence: Dismissing or ignoring evidence that contradicts the generalized belief.
Repetitive Negative Self-Talk: A pattern of recurring, broad negative thoughts about oneself or life.
How to help:
Catch the absolute thoughts: When you are talking to yourself throughout the day, pay attention to and bring awareness to all the times you overgeneralize. It’s probably more than you think! The more aware you are of it, the more you can challenge them! Say, “Hold on—is that true?” Naming it, like naming a feeling, shrinks its power. Here is a list of words to watch out for:
Always
Never
Everyone
Nobody/No one
Everything
Nothing
Forever
Ever
All the time
Completely
Totally
Every time
2. Challenge the Evidence: Ask yourself, “Is this really always true?” List counterexamples and exceptions. If you think, “I’m never patient with my kids,” recall times when you calmly handled a situation, like soothing your child during a meltdown. For kids, you can help them challenge their thoughts: “You said you always fail at math, but yesterday you finished your math homework so fast!” Facts are like a breeze, clearing the mental fog
3. Reframe the Thought: Replace overgeneralizations with balanced statements and swap absolutes for truth. Instead of “My kid is always acting out,” try “Sometimes my child struggles with following rules, but they’re also cooperative at times.” Help your kids reframe their own thoughts too, helping them see life as more balanced, rather than in extremes.
4. Practice Self-Compassion: Parenting is challenging, and mistakes are a normal part of the process. Self-compassion—treating yourself with kindness—reduces negative thinking and boosts resilience. Remind yourself, “I’m doing my best, and I’m learning.” Absolutes keep you stuck in “can’t.” Shift to what you value—like being a loving parent. Forgot your kid’s lunch? Think, “I’ll pack a great one tomorrow.” Kids will follow your lead about saying nice things to themselves. If you’re allowed to mess up, so are they.
5. Seek Support: Talk to friends or others about your struggles. When you start talking about your challenges, people often join in! People are eager to connect with others who share their struggles. Vulnerability will help others be vulnerable. Normalize being imperfect in a society that makes you feel the need to be perfect. Remember, no one has the playbook of life. We're all figuring it out one day at a time. Talk to your kids and help them normalize any feelings they may have. It's all normal and part of being a kid!
6. Laugh at yourself and Celebrate trying: Humor is one of the greatest skills we can use. Life is FUNNY. When sh*t hits the fan, laugh. Even if you have to force yourself to laugh and it sounds incredibly fake, do it. Even forced laughter lowers cortisol, the stress hormone, and boosts feel-good chemicals like endorphins. It’s not about ignoring the mess—it’s about loosening its grip. For kids, humor helps too: a silly joke after a scraped knee can turn tears into giggles, teaching them that challenging moments don’t last forever.
Our thoughts are powerful—they shape our reality like ripples in water. When you say, “I’ll never get this parenting thing right,” you’re not just predicting—you’re creating. Beliefs guide actions. If you believe you can’t handle a tough day, you might stop trying, proving yourself right. Kids do this too: “I always mess up in art” might mean they ditch the paintbrush, missing out on creativity. Each “never” or “always” is like a brick in a wall, building limits that block the full life you could have—filled with growth, connection, and messy, marvelous tries.
